Anchoring Hope

How To Talk To Kids About Suicide

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Today, I received multiple messages and emails from concerned parents and teachers who know me well and are familiar with our advocacy work. Communities around us have been hit hard by youth suicide the last few years, and it’s taking a toll on everyone. Parents are scared. Teachers and administrators are stressed. The world feels extremely heavy when we want to help but feel completely unprepared to do so.

Honestly, most of us know this issue has to be met with strong communication, but how do we talk to youth about suicide? It’s such a heavy topic, and frankly, quite scary for all of us…adults and youth alike. Most of us grew up with generations of parents and grandparents who were taught to change the subject when suicide came up, so we have little experience. But now, we are hearing over and over, “What can we do to stop this? How can we help?”

Our world is starting to understand we cannot ignore the need for these hard conversations anymore. 

The answer to how we fully address mental illness and suicide is not simple, and it will take time to destroy generations of stigma, but there are ways we can help now. We start by changing the way we talk about suicide. We have to learn to separate the person from the illness – to place the blame for death where it belongs…on the illness and NOT on the person. So it’s time for a few tips from this educator, parent, advocate, and wife of a suicide survivor.

  • We have to talk to our youth about what mental illness really is…an illness. Don’t overcomplicate it. Here are the words we use…

“Mental illness is no different than any other illness. We have to choose to accept help to fight it just like we have to choose to accept help to fight cancer. Sometimes, we fight the illness and get to live many many years. Sometimes, we fight the illness but it still overtakes the body and leads to death. Sometimes, we don’t even know there’s an illness before a loved one is gone; and those times are the hardest.

Mental illness can overtake a person’s brain before others even see any signs of trouble. It tricks a person, surrounds their thoughts with darkness and negativity, and even makes them believe they are a pain to others if they ask for help. It’s not the truth, and their hearts knows that, but the illness overtakes the brain. So while we’ve heard the outdated words that someone, “killed themselves” or “committed suicide,” we know the truth is that the individual sadly died from mental illness. It’s not their fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s an illness, and I’m so so sorry for the pain that comes along with losing someone.

An illness caused the death…a person did not.”
  • We have to teach that talking about our feelings and experiences is healthy. Need more words? Here you go…

“Seeing a counselor, someone who helps us understand our own thoughts, should be as common and encouraged as seeing a dentist. It’s just good practice for good health. Talking about our feelings and experiences is how to we learn to recognize signs of of illness. A person whose brain tells them to hurt themselves or others needs help to be okay. The thoughts often start off small and quick, so they are easy to ignore or brush off as no big deal. But they’re scary, and they can get worse. So we have to learn to control them before they can control us. And we do that by asking for help. Some people need medications, some don’t. Some respond really well to sunlight, exercise, and a healthy diet. Some get better and stay better by simply talking about it.

The truth is that there are lots of ways to fight mental illness…but none of them involve a person fighting it alone.“
  • We have to teach and model kindness.

“It’s hard to be kind. It’s a lot easier to roll our eyes or allow meanness than to stand up for someone. Even if we aren’t being mean ourselves, but we are allowing others around us to, we are contributing to sadness. And we don’t know what another person is living with.

Sometimes, all it takes is an unkind word for a person fighting mental illness to make that final decision to give in to the dark thoughts they’ve been secretly fighting. We really can help by choosing to be kind.“

Please, talk to your kids. Also, anyone can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by simply dialing 988. Anyone can call the lifeline, whether you are thinking about suicide or not, to get emotional support. And there is no minimum age, so tell your kids. If they aren’t comfortable talking to you, that’s okay. Twenty-four hours a day, there is someone on the other end of the line when you dial 988. You are loved, worthy, and supported. So is he. So is she. So are they.

All our love. ~ Jeremy & Bailey Koch

Follow us on Instagram & Facebook @anchoringhopeformentalhealth

I Prayed For My Husband To Die

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*** Trigger warning: mental illness and suicide. But also hope after hell. ***

Surrendering to God’s will looks a lot different than you might think. 

I never thought this would be possible. You know…watching my husband walk alongside his teen and pre-teen sons. I thought I would be telling these boys stories of how much their father loved them. Of how much he wanted to watch them grow up, but mental illness just wouldn’t let him. 

I fought for years to try and be the reason my husband was alive. To control his journey. To force ignorance and fake smiles. To stay awake and vigilant so as to never leave him alone…for fear suicide would claim him once and for all. But I reached a point of loss. Loss of myself. Loss of my marriage as I had known it. Loss of all joy. Loss of all hope. 

I remember yelling…screaming at God for giving this mental illness, this hell, to my husband. I cried and fell to my knees in agony. Looking back, I can see it was a moment of complete surrender. 

In that moment, I prayed for my husband to die. Suicide had to be the only answer…that’s what my husband’s brain thought. Maybe he was right. So I did it. I prayed to God to take my husband…to release him from the pain, no…the agony, of the hell he lived on this earth. I didn’t want him to suffer. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve these relentless suicidal thoughts.

I prayed for my “Plan B,” because my Plan A clearly wasn’t happening. I would be okay without my husband. I knew I would be okay. I would raise our boys to know and love their father…the man he was before mental illness took over. For the first time in years, I felt at peace.

I imagined Hudson’s birthday party. Our son was only 4 at that time, but I imagined his 13th birthday. I knelt down next to him as he forced a smile glowing behind 13 burning candles. “I just wish dad could be here, mom.” 

“I know, baby.” I would say. “He wanted to be here too.” I would hug him and tell him how proud his father would be of the man he was becoming. I knew how I would handle every conversation. I couldn’t control my husband’s mental illness, but I could control how I would raise our boys after my husband would pass. 

I surrendered to His will. All I had been doing was fight Him. All I had been doing was trying to control. So I gave in. God’s will had to be for my husband to die. Why else would we be living this? I let go and allowed God to move us. I was ready. I was exhausted. I was done.

I know now that as I prayed for my husband to die, God rejoiced.

God moved us so far beyond where I thought he was going to move us that it took me years to figure out my prayers for my husband’s death were prayers of surrender. I didn’t want my husband to die; I wanted him to be healed. And in my brain, healing could only take place in death…because mental illness had tricked my brain too.

In my heart, I wanted my husband back…but more, I wanted to be held by my Father.

Thank God, He heard the prayer of my heart and not of my brain. And He blessed us more than we ever could have imagined. He turned our story of tragedy into a story of hope. He worked on our hearts for years…that one day we would be willing to share our journey. From start to finish and everything in between. From avoidance and terror to the acceptance of help and healing.

That’s my husband in the photo. And that boy on the left with his hands in his pockets…he’s 14. And his dad was there for his 13th birthday, in mind and in body.

God can’t move unless we let Him. And when we let Him…oh wow. Just wait for the lights to light up the darkness brighter than you ever imagined.

*** If you are experiencing any of the feelings described in this post…loss of hope or the desire to end life on this earth, please know there is hope. We have been there and it can get better with the acceptance of help. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, contact a counselor (we are big believers in talk therapy and continue to this day), contact a doctor (yes, we do take medications daily…not everyone needs to, but that needs to be a conversation between you and your doctor), or even go to the emergency room or nearest mental health facility if you don’t feel safe. Tell someone. You’re not alone and you are so very loved by Him. Why else would these words have made their way to you today? Who do you think may be trying to get your attention? Trust Him. Accept help.

Mental Health Checks with Your Teen: “The Koch Number System”

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Lately, I’ve been sharing much of our family’s reality. In 2009, my husband was diagnosed with Depression and he has since survived five suicide attempts. This just in…in 2020, our teenage son had his first suicide attempt. I pray it’s his last as he is safe. A mental health hospitalization for our 13-year-old was the last thing we expected, but it’s exactly what we needed.

That mental health hospitalization forced our family to talk. No distractions. Just us.

It’s no secret that no teenager wants a parent to be constantly asking, “How are you feeling? Any thoughts of self-harm? Do you feel safe?” So we came up with a system…one we used with my husband when he grew tired of those annoying, and quite frankly, embarrassing, questions. We laughed and said we would even name our new method for checking mental health…enter “The Koch Number System.” I know. Super creative, right?

But it’s simple. And simple is good, especially for overwhelmed teens who are learning to be open with their feelings. The Koch (pronounced “Koh” and rhymes with “Toe.”) Number System allows teens to share their feelings in as few words as possible. And it allows advocates to take the information and do what we need to help. As advocates for mental health and suicide survivors, we would like to share our method with you.

The Koch Number System

We ask our son, “What’s your number?”

He responds with one of the following…
1 = I feel like myself. I feel good.
2 = I’m sad…a little down. But no thoughts of self-harm.
3 = I’m having bad thoughts. We need to reach out to our support system.
4 = I have a plan to harm myself. It’s time to get me help to keep me safe.

We use the number system so much that I write it in my planner to remind myself to check in with my teen and yes, my husband too.

Please do mental health checks with your teen. Please help them to know that talking is good and accepting help is strong. Too many in our world fight silent battles with mental illness. But one in three will struggle with mental health in any one year alone. One in three. You are never alone, and we are all in this together. We fight mental illness and suicide by talking…even if it makes some uncomfortable.

Speak up. Positive change never happened by keeping our society comfortable.

Please join us in advocating for mental health. Follow us on Facebook at Anchoring Hope for Mental Health: Jeremy & Bailey Koch. Check out our website and published books at www.jeremyandbailey.com.

Meltdown Methods: Steps for Supporting Emotional Regulation in Extreme Behaviors

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If you are anything like me, it can be hard to keep your cool when your child (no matter how old) is physically losing his collective mind. Growing up is hard, but throw in sensory issues or emotional regulation problems, and we don’t only get meltdowns, we get dangerous aggression. As a Special Education professional and mother to a teen with High-Functioning Autism, I have put together some information to help you.

Keep in mind that every kid is different, but I have found these methods helpful in both my professional and personal lives. From holes in the wall and doors ripped off to barstools thrown and siblings attacked, I’ve experienced it all. And I’ve found that these steps help me to keep my cool…which makes all the difference with de-escalation for my child. Try it.

Parents of extreme children have to find our own ways of de-escalating the situation…especially as our children grow. But the steps I have put together below can help any parent of any child during a meltdown. Why? Because these steps are all about supporting the Social Emotional Learning of our children…not reacting and punishing.

Keep him, and others around, safe.

Yes, this may mean you need to hold him. If you aren’t sure of safe holding methods, I recommend checking out Mandt System holds. I hold my child with his back to my chest…arms crossed in front of him (as shown below).

Staged picture used with permission from my son. With a hold like this, my child is safe…and so am I from biting, kicking, throwing the head back, etc. Notice my stance and how I am holding him. During this time, I am working on getting him to the floor while also validating his emotions (see steps below).

Get to his level.

Sit with him, hold him, lay on the floor with him, rock with him, etc. Stay at his level.

Validate.

Say phrases like…
~ “I get it.”
~ “I’m here.”
~ “I know.”
~ “Look at me. I’ve got you.”
~ “You’re safe.”

Breathe with him.

Say, “In your nose (breathe in)…out your mouth (breathe out).” Do this over and over while repeating the validating words from the previous step. He will begin to release his tension.

Staged and used with permission from my son. As your child releases tension during the validating and breathing, release your hold slightly so he realizes he has some control. The hold isn’t what de-escalates…the validation is.

Hug.

When he has de-escalated and his body has returned back to a more relaxed state, he will be exhausted. Just hold him. Repeat the words you’ve been saying, stroke his hair, kiss his head, etc. Remember that it’s likely he may not remember/process a lot of what just happened yet. If you had him in a hold, this may be when he will voluntarily turn around…depending on the child. My son always turns around and holds me in a hug while we rock, breathe, etc. He’s almost 13.

Talk later.

Wait to talk about what happened until much later…sometimes the next day. After a physical meltdown, brain activity is often equivalent/similar to what a child with Epilepsy’s brain resembles after a seizure. Body and mind are exhausted. Safety and validation are the only concerns right now.

Later is when you address what happened. From what went wrong to what went right and what worked. Talk about breathing techniques, coping strategies, and allow your child to tell you what helped or did not help. Be open to accepting that your child deserves some respect during the process of learning how to manage his own emotions.

~ Feel free to share with anyone and everyone who you feel may benefit from this information. My goal is always supporting others. I truly believe that children learning these emotional regulation skills is a huge aspect of managing mental health later in life. – Bailey Koch
~ Follow our journey on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/jeremyandbailey/. Our website is at www.jeremyandbailey.com. On social media @jeremyandbailey.

Mental illness murdered you…you didn’t take your own life.

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I saw you in the clouds today. In the quiet of the morning, I felt your presence. And I know it was you.

I thank God every day since you left this place for the truth in knowing that He understands mental illness. God sends us little reminders of you…so we know you are okay. No different than any other death-causing illness, sometimes mental illness wins in this life, but He already won the war. And I get to see you again one day.

I know you are you again. Whole. Pure. Cheerful and bright. Free of the pains in this world. Free of mental illness.

I imagine you…the real you. I see you waving and cheering us on. I see you stunningly dressed in your best flashing a toothy grin. You are there and you are you again…and we are left here.

I’ve learned that God won’t cause pain, but He will use it for His greater purpose. And I just have to pray and know that will be the case. Because this type of pain, a world without you here, a world where suicide feels like the only answer, is just too much to bear without knowing there is a much greater purpose, a giant hope for healing to move from surviving with mental illness to living in mental health.

I want you to know that I understand now. I get that it wasn’t you. I get that mental illness made you believe that you were a burden. I know mental illness lied to you, tricked you, and held you so strongly in its grasp.

I know mental illness murdered you…you didn’t take your own life.

I want this world to understand. I want good to come from this pain. I want the world to learn the importance of separating the person from the mental illness. Give Jesus a high five for me. Can’t wait to see you again.

Love,

Me.

*******************

~ In loving memory of all those we’ve lost to murder by mental illness, please share and help the world understand and fight this monster.

~ Written by Jeremy & Bailey Koch. Jeremy, a five-time suicide attempt survivor, has lived to explain the reality of suicidal ideations and is now over three years free of suicidal thoughts after finding faith, medications, and a mental health support system of family, friends, counselors, pastors, and more. Bailey, his wife and primary support person, stands beside him and helps him accept help and share his story. In June of 2019, at the age of 65, Jeremy’s dad was murdered by mental illness when suicide claimed his life.

~ Follow our journey on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/jeremyandbailey/. Our website is at www.jeremyandbailey.com. On social media @jeremyandbailey.

~ If you are experiencing any thoughts of ending your life, please reach out and accept help. You are loved, wanted, and so important. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

A Letter to Those Who Don’t Understand

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Mental illness is a tricky asshole, we get that. But you know what’s even worse than mental illness? The judgment, blame, and shame that can come from those who don’t understand it.

Mental illness can take a person and turn them into someone practically unrecognizable. It can sneak around behind closed doors, in walls, and hide in the dark. It can be a shape-shifter. It can put on a happy face for the rest of the world while those who truly know the person that mental illness has stolen see nothing but the lies, deceit, and terror lurking everywhere.

Mental illness can blame. It wants to be fixed…now. It doesn’t want to work, wait, or see the truth. Mental illness wants to take everyone else down with it. And you know what? It will if you let it. Mental illness wants those who are healthy to be destroyed. It wants families torn apart and blame placed. It wants others to be destroyed trying desperately to be the reason someone else is okay.

Mental illness doesn’t want to talk. It wants to make up lies and excuses while instilling fear. Mental illness doesn’t want to have a grown-up conversation about itself. It seeks only to divide, separate, and hush. Mental illness wants to win…and sometimes it will in this life.

But Jesus has already won the war.

I Took My Life. Please Don’t Think I’m Selfish.

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***~ If you are experiencing any of the feelings described in this post, please reach out and accept help. You are loved, wanted, and so important. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ ***

I know you’re hurting, but I’m here to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. In fact, my brain constantly and overwhelmingly convinced me that you are better off without me. I truly believed that I was doing you a favor. Now that I’m gone, I understand how sick I was. I get it. And I’m sorry I hurt you.

I didn’t know any better. Mental illness clouded me. It enveloped me like a thick fog and all I saw was darkness. Everywhere I turned. Darkness.

You see, even though the world will often say that I didn’t consider my friends and family at all, that I was so selfish, you were actually the only thing on my mind. I understand now how mental illness works. And just so you know, God understands it too. He’s here with me…or I’m here with Him. However you want to look at it. It’s cool. I’m good. 

I was in so much pain on earth. I just knew. I knew how much of a burden I was to you. I knew your life would be beautiful if only you didn’t have to worry about my problems. Yes, you tried to convince me otherwise. And I love you so much for that. I love how hard you tried. And I know you loved me fiercely on earth; I see that now. I saw it then too, but my mental illness didn’t let me care. Sometimes I wanted to, but here’s the thing…I was really good at hiding the pain. I just didn’t want you to have to worry, and I didn’t understand I was doing more harm by not being honest…by not accepting the help you tried to give. Mental illness just wouldn’t let me; it held me so strongly in its grasp. So you need to know one thing.

This was not your fault.

Truth be told, it wasn’t my fault either. Mental illness won in that life, but it didn’t win in the life I’m in now. It is a disease…not unlike other diseases that cause death. I’m in no pain. It’s beautiful here. I’m okay.

I did take my own life, but please know I wasn’t trying to be selfish. The pain was intense, but not for myself. The pain I felt for you, for the pain I truly believed I was causing you, was unbearable. I love you now. I loved you then. I’m excited to see you soon. I’m here.

All my love,

Me.

~ Written by Jeremy & Bailey Koch. Jeremy, a five-time suicide attempt survivor, has lived to explain the reality of suicidal ideations. Bailey, his wife and primary support person, stands beside him and helps him accept help and share his story. This post was written based upon a suicide note Jeremy left for Bailey in 2012. As of today, Jeremy is nearly 3 years free of suicidal thoughts. Healing happens. Hold onto hope.

~ If you are experiencing any of the feelings described in this post, please reach out and accept help. You are loved, wanted, and so important. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

~ Follow our journey on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/jeremyandbailey/. Our website is at www.jeremyandbailey.com. On social media @jeremyandbailey.

Hefty and Happy

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This was me. Here I was, vacationing in Colorado with my beautiful family in July of 2012, a lot thinner than I am now. I was around 50 pounds lighter. And I was miserable.

Now don’t get your panties in a twist, Tiny Tina. I’m not bagging on fitness, exercise, watching what you eat, whatever. I’m just telling my story.

I didn’t try to lose weight at this point in my life. I lost the weight because I was completely unhealthy. I barely ate. I threw up a lot…not because I was trying to, but because my anxiety was so high wondering if I would come home to my husband dead that my body couldn’t process foods. Sure, I posted the pictures and pretended. I loved the comments of, “You look so beautiful!” and “Oh my gosh you look amazing!” The attention from others, the comments…they kept me going. But here’s what you didn’t know…

I’m not naturally a small person. I’m an in-betweenie. I thrived on attention at that point in my life because my real world was crumbling. My husband had recently survived his fourth, and by far the most serious, suicide attempt. We hadn’t opened up to the world about our reality with mental illness yet. In order to feel like my husband wanted me in any way, I had to initiate. His Depression had taken over. My husband was no longer the man I married and emotionally, I was a single mother. We were together and he was physically there, but that’s all. So I poured myself into something different…into myself and attention from others.

Now let’s fast-forward to December 2018…

Over the years, my husband learned to be open. He learned to accept help. We learned how to live a life for others as opposed to ourselves. We began to understand that God hadn’t done this to us, but rather for us.

I’m married to a five-time suicide attempt survivor, a man I have more respect and love for than anyone else in the world. My husband lives for Jesus, takes medication, sees a counselor, has lunch with his pastor near weekly, and is raising two beautiful boys to know their Father, to respect others, to express emotions, and to accept help. I’m married to a man who loves his wife, respects every part of her, desires her, and craves time with her. Our family became a family of fighters.

For a while in life, mental illness took over our lives because we let it. Now, we have learned to live and not just stay alive.

This is our family now…

I can’t say I don’t want to exercise, eat right, and take care of myself. But I can say that, should I choose to try to lose weight, it will be a whole new ball game for me. It will be a completely different journey. It will be because I will have to learn how to take care of myself in healthy ways, rather than thriving on attention.

For now, I’m hefty and happy. And I’m 100% okay with who I am and where I am.

~

Follow our journey on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jeremyandbailey/

Find us on Instagram and Twitter @jeremyandbailey

10 Ways to Help Your Friend Living in a Hospital

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It happens a lot. 

All of the sudden, life kicks one of your friends or family members right in the rear. It appears that friend will be spending an undisclosed amount of time away from home…likely due to health issues. Perhaps they are healing themselves. Perhaps supporting a loved one (child, spouse, parent, etc.).

No matter what the situation, you know your friend needs to feel supported. But asking for help is not an easy thing to do, especially when feeling helpless yourself. As a friend, you want to help, but you aren’t sure what to do without someone telling you. So how can you help?

As the wife of a man who spent almost a month in a hospital…in a city hours away from our home, I’m here to give you some advice. Jeremy survived a head-on collision on the highway in 2012, and the support we received from family and friends is what kept us going.

Jeremy’s 1/2 ton Dodge Ram, well…what was left of it, after the 2012 head-on collision with a semi-truck on Highway 30 in Nebraska.

Because “thank you” never seems sufficient, passing on the love and support to others is what we try hard to do. So let us help you with some ideas to suit any budget. Some of these ideas cost nothing but time, others cost more. Do what works for you!

Here is a list of the top ten most helpful and memorable “somethings” others did for us while we were fighting for health away from home:

  1. Gift Cards

    I am especially a fan of prepaid Visa cards because you can use them anywhere. From gas for the vehicle to food and even clothing runs, gift cards are extremely helpful when you’re away from home.

  2. Hospital Cafeteria Gift Cards

    This is one I never would have thought of. But a friend of the family contacted the hospital we were in and purchased a gift card to that hospital’s cafeteria. That was hugely helpful. I rarely wanted to leave Jeremy’s side, so having the option of eating with him, or very close to him, was so thoughtful. Then I was able to quickly return to my post…beside him.

  3. A Floor Mat

    I know…sounds weird. But those hospital rollaway beds or chairs are horribly uncomfortable for those of us supporting a loved one. I actually purchased a floor mat for myself, but if I find that another person is having to stay in the hospital for as long as we did, I immediately think of this. I was able to roll up my comfy mat and tuck it away in a corner of the hospital room during the day. At night, I simply laid it out on the floor and slept so much better than I had pre-floor mat. And now, we use it as another bed when our boys have sleepovers!

  4. Plants

    Cliché? Perhaps. But having some life in the hospital room certainly brought some positivity to our days.

  5. Snail Mail Cards and Pictures

    Yup…good old fashioned cards and pictures. We loved them. I decorated an entire wall in front of Jeremy with them. The bright colors and inspiring messages, especially those talking about how many prayers were being sent up, were so helpful to our moods. Oh…and never underestimate the power of a child’s drawing.

  6. Gift Basket of Relaxing Items

    Ahhh the basket. I still remember digging into that thing like it was Christmas. We had been in the hospital for over a week with no end to our stay in sight. That basket arrived and I found slippers, crossword puzzles, journals, robes, blankets, stress balls, joke books, etc. Oh, it was a happy day. The sky is the limit here…make it personalized!

  7. Entertainment for the Family and Friends

    Sometimes, if your friends are in a situation like we were, family and friends will visit for hours or even days at a time. We had small children when Jeremy had his accident…Hudson was five and Asher was two. One gift we received included games, toys, puzzles, colors and coloring books, and playing cards…great items for entertainment not only for us and our kids, but for other visitors as well.

  8. Clean House. 

    Yes, literally, clean house. When it was coming close to the time when we were expected to come home, a large number of friends and family went to our home and cleaned it from top to bottom. My sister-in-law and a friend deep cleaned the inside of our home while others picked up our landscaping…primarily leaves and cornstalks that had blown in the yard. Coming home to a clean house with no worries but to care for my family was an enormous weight off my shoulders.

  9. House Sit.

    Offer to watch the pets, pick up mail, keep the house from smelling like a dungeon, etc. Having someone watching our home for anything odd and just keeping an eye out was a usual stressor I didn’t have to worry about.

  10. Freezer Meals

    Coming home to a freezer stocked full of meals was incredible. Friends made meals and froze them. That way, when we came home, we were still being taken care of and could concentrate on healing. And it’s important to let your friend know that you are making meals. That way they know that food, upon arriving home, will not be a problem. It takes away a lot of stress.

So there you have it. Feel free to share our list and pass on the goodness to others! And never underestimate the power of prayer.

Our family in our home away from home for a full month in 2012…

Peace!
– Jeremy & Bailey Koch

Mental Illness is NOT an Excuse

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Hi there.

I’m about to strike a nerve in the world of mental illness. And you know what? I’m already not sorry. Because here comes the firecracker in me…

So what do I know about mental illness? Quite a bit actually. We’ll start with the professional…I’m finishing up my doctorate degree in Special Education. I’ve studied the brain, learning, disabilities, and yes, mental illness as it relates to learning. And I’m not done; I love education. I believe in its importance.

Answers come with education, and I was DESPERATE to understand what my husband was going through.

So it’s time to move onto the personal experience…my husband, Jeremy, is a five-time suicide attempt survivor. He has held a bag over his head until his grandma knocked on the door and he pulled it off – just before he lost consciousness. He has locked himself in a garage with an engine running and dashed to open the door when the fumes started burning his lungs because he got a vision of our two sons waving goodbye. It terrified him. He has put a gun to his head and thankfully didn’t pull the trigger thanks to another vision. And he has been in a car accident that nearly claimed his life in which he drove into a semi-truck at highway speeds.

And he’s still here. I thank God every day he’s still here.

But we believe there’s a reason Jeremy is still alive; and part of that reason is to be advocates for mental health. A huge part. What am I saying? That’s it…all of it. It is our personal calling to spread the truth. So there are two parts to mental illness we need you to understand…

  1. MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE REAL. AND A REAL PAIN.We get it. We 100% get it. It is hard to deal with a mental illness of any kind. Some days, even getting out of bed is challenge. Some days, the colors of the world just seem dull. Some days, the light is too bright, people talk too loud or too much about things you don’t want to hear, and others just don’t get it. Some days, it’s easier to cancel that counseling appointment. Some days, it’s easier to not take the medication the doctor prescribed. Some days, it’s easier to just stay away from everyone.

    And worse…

    Some days, alcohol or cutting seem to feel better than reality. And some days, it seems like the best idea is to just end it all. You think you’re a burden, right? You think the world will be better off without you?

    Guess what? Your brain is messing with you. It’s not your fault, but it’s also not okay.

    Am I right? Did I say something above that sounded familiar. Then you have a mental illness. It is what it is. We deal with it too, that’s why we get it and why so much of what I just wrote sounds familiar. We do understand you. You’re not alone.

    So onto my most important point…

  2. MENTAL ILLNESSES WILL NOT GO AWAY WITHOUT A FIGHT.Here’s where I may strike a nerve.

    There’s a reason I wrote “some days” above. Because I know the truth of mental illness. I know where it starts and how it progresses. I know how it goes from fleeting thoughts… What if I just drive my car off the road?

    Wait…what the heck was that? I would never do that. Too many people love me.

    …back into what we call “moments of clarity.” You wonder where those thoughts came from or why you would think them. You wonder if that’s normal? Sometimes you even try to convince yourself that it is (stop it).

    IT IS THE MOMENTS OF CLARITY THAT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE.

    It is then, after you’ve experienced suicidal thoughts or even a profound feeling of sadness, mania, etc., and you come back to being yourself, that you NEED TO ASK FOR HELP.

    And if there are “triggers” around you, you need to learn how to deal with those. You need to accept help to the point where you are okay…truly okay. You need to learn how to reach out to your support system when you do experience those triggers. And it is absolutely possible, but it takes help from many around you. You are not alone, nor are you be expected to be.

    There is nothing…NOTHING…noble about trying to fight mental illness alone. No matter who you are. No matter what your support system consists of. We all have a support system in some way. This can consist of family, friends, counselors, doctors, nurses, churches, pastors, teachers, waitresses, librarians, meter readers…see where I’m going with this.

    I couldn’t care less who you tell. You just need to learn to say it.

    “I think my brain is lying to me. And I think I need help before it gets worse.”

    Now that’s noble.

    Mental illness is not an excuse; it’s a reason to fight harder.

    Accept help. FIGHT. And it will get better.

~ Jeremy & Bailey Koch

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