Month: December 2018

Hefty and Happy

/ Anchoring Hope for Mental Health / Leave a comment

This was me. Here I was, vacationing in Colorado with my beautiful family in July of 2012, a lot thinner than I am now. I was around 50 pounds lighter. And I was miserable.

Now don’t get your panties in a twist, Tiny Tina. I’m not bagging on fitness, exercise, watching what you eat, whatever. I’m just telling my story.

I didn’t try to lose weight at this point in my life. I lost the weight because I was completely unhealthy. I barely ate. I threw up a lot…not because I was trying to, but because my anxiety was so high wondering if I would come home to my husband dead that my body couldn’t process foods. Sure, I posted the pictures and pretended. I loved the comments of, “You look so beautiful!” and “Oh my gosh you look amazing!” The attention from others, the comments…they kept me going. But here’s what you didn’t know…

I’m not naturally a small person. I’m an in-betweenie. I thrived on attention at that point in my life because my real world was crumbling. My husband had recently survived his fourth, and by far the most serious, suicide attempt. We hadn’t opened up to the world about our reality with mental illness yet. In order to feel like my husband wanted me in any way, I had to initiate. His Depression had taken over. My husband was no longer the man I married and emotionally, I was a single mother. We were together and he was physically there, but that’s all. So I poured myself into something different…into myself and attention from others.

Now let’s fast-forward to December 2018…

Over the years, my husband learned to be open. He learned to accept help. We learned how to live a life for others as opposed to ourselves. We began to understand that God hadn’t done this to us, but rather for us.

I’m married to a five-time suicide attempt survivor, a man I have more respect and love for than anyone else in the world. My husband lives for Jesus, takes medication, sees a counselor, has lunch with his pastor near weekly, and is raising two beautiful boys to know their Father, to respect others, to express emotions, and to accept help. I’m married to a man who loves his wife, respects every part of her, desires her, and craves time with her. Our family became a family of fighters.

For a while in life, mental illness took over our lives because we let it. Now, we have learned to live and not just stay alive.

This is our family now…

I can’t say I don’t want to exercise, eat right, and take care of myself. But I can say that, should I choose to try to lose weight, it will be a whole new ball game for me. It will be a completely different journey. It will be because I will have to learn how to take care of myself in healthy ways, rather than thriving on attention.

For now, I’m hefty and happy. And I’m 100% okay with who I am and where I am.

~

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Dear Teacher About to Give Another Test

/ Anchoring Hope for Mental Health / Leave a comment

Dear teacher about to give another test:

First of all, thank you for what you do. I’m an educator myself and I have many friends and family who are as well. I understand your sacrifice, dedication, and commitment. I’m also a mom. So I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you do.

But I’m also here to beg you to reconsider your methods of evaluation.

Let me give you a little background…

Not long ago, a student left my office. Defeated. He’s 26 years old. I teach at a university and this student has dreams of becoming a teacher one day. Actually, he eventually wants to become a counselor. He wants to help students the way a counselor once helped him. And he’ll be amazing. I taught him. I know him. I believe in him.

But tests…

You see, in our state, we have a requirement that future teachers must pass certain tests in order to be certified in teaching. This is true of most states. While this student’s scores soared in two areas, there is one area in which his scores are not enough to pass…by two points. He has taken this test so many times. He just can’t do it anymore. He can’t afford it anymore. He’s given up on himself. Again…defeated.

Some students, most students in fact, just don’t do tests well. I’m actually one of them. Fortunately, most of my instructors throughout my schooling were very willing to let me write about my knowledge instead of taking a test over it. Just because a student doesn’t test well doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t know the information. So please, I’m begging you. As an educational society, we have some work to do.

Students should be allowed to showcase their knowledge in different ways. Some students are good at writing…let them write. Some students are incredible artists…let them create. Some students have beautiful musical ability…let them compose. Some students have business minds…let them present. Some students have mathematical or scientific gifts, let them experiment and solve. Some students have research running through their veins…let them investigate. Some students are natural born teachers, just like you…let them teach.

The concept of traditional “testing” needs to change to “showcasing knowledge” using a variety of methods.

Teach them to use their strengths. Teach them to embrace their talents. Teach them to think beyond a test. Challenge them to achieve their own best…not somebody else’s.

And again, thank you.

Sincerely,

A teacher. A parent. A citizen.

~~~~~~~

Follow Jeremy and Bailey Koch on social media. Jeremy, a five-time suicide attempt survivor, and Bailey, his wife, primary support person and special education professor, have two children with disabilities. Their oldest has High-Functioning Autism and youngest has Epilepsy. The family fights hard to advocate for individuals with disabilities and mental illness.

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