Month: July 2016

We Don’t “Need” Each Other

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My husband and I have been married for 12 years today. I’m writing this on July 24, 2016. But in February of 2012, I was writing a very different part of our story. It was then that I almost lost my husband, Jeremy, in a car accident.

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Jeremy in ICU at Creighton University Medical Center in Omaha, Nebraska after two life flights. He suffered a leg broken in four places and repaired with titanium rods, fractured pancreas, punctured lung, brain bleed, face laceration, and a bruised colon that required complete reconstruction. Six intense surgeries in five days. Jeremy survived for a reason. You.

I watched him fight for his life, enduring surgery after surgery, and I knew the possibility existed that Jeremy had tried to take his own life. Severe depression had run our lives for three years at that point. I prayed God would just take him. I witnessed the hell on earth that mental illness can be and I didn’t want my husband to have to endure it anymore, not if there was no hope for a cure. And I didn’t think there was, at least that’s what the world tells us over and over.

Did you read that right? She PRAYED that she would lose her husband? 

Yes. I did. And for a long time I wasn’t proud of it. But for a long time, Jeremy and I lived in the dark about our reality. Why would we tell the world that Jeremy had tried to take his life five times? Why would we tell the world that I was terrified to walk in our home from work for fear that I would find my husband had finally ended his hell on earth? Why would we tell the world that suicide notes were not uncommon?

The truth is that accident happened for a reason. Jeremy survived for a reason. It was both the absolute worst and best thing that has ever happened to us. We were brought to our knees and we learned true faith. God showed me what life would be like without Jeremy. He answered my prayer. I didn’t know if Jeremy would survive; nobody knew. What I did know is that I had two little boys to raise.

So while Jeremy was fighting for his life, I was plotting how to never allow Jeremy’s death to be in vain. I plotted how I would raise our boys to know their father and to be like him.

Little did I know, God was plotting how to never allow Jeremy’s LIFE to be in vain. He was plotting how He would save my husband, turn us into warriors, and raise our boys to know their FATHER and to be like HIM.

Life changed for us. We have been married for 12 years today, and we can both honestly tell you that we do not need each other. God is our number one. He is the reason we are here together. He died for us; so we will live for Him. We share our story because so many suffer in silence. God brought us to our knees so we would learn to lean on Him.

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Jeremy and I wrote our story because we knew God would take what was meant to destroy us and make it good. Sharing our reality and helping others living with mental illness or supporting a loved one is our mission, our passion, and our purpose. You are the reason we are still here together on this Earth.

We do have a strong marriage, but it’s not the work of us. We have learned, because God had to bring us to our knees, to live for Him, listen to the Holy Spirit to guide us, and help others through our mission. So no. I don’t need my husband, and my husband doesn’t need me. I need Jesus. Jeremy’s needs Jesus. That’s why we have a strong marriage. We choose each other over and over, day in and day out, every day. Some days are easier than others, but that’s life.

So today, on our 12th anniversary, Jeremy brought me a vase of hand-picked flowers, a beautiful card, and a hug. We made breakfast together, attended church together, and worked in the back yard together. Together. That’s what makes an anniversary perfect. I choose him, but I need Him.

http://www.jeremyandbailey.com/

As always, if our story touches you or if you know of anyone suffering from mental illness or supporting a loved one suffering, please share our story. Our “Anchoring Hope” support group meets every Sunday evening from 6:30 to 7:30 at United Way in Cozad, Nebraska. Please join us. You are never alone.

And if you don’t live near us, please like our page on Facebook to follow our journey and share our mission with others. https://www.facebook.com/jeremyandbaileykoch/

I’m Not Stuck in a Small Town. I Chose It.

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One of my former students recently shared an article and said something about being thankful to not be “stuck” in a small town. So this is my rebuttal, because let’s face it, I’m not exactly a quiet person. And bagging on my small town life? Now it’s personal.

What I want to say is this…

You’re kidding me right? You think we’re stuck? Oh, honey. Life is what you make it. I’m not stuck in a small town; I chose it.

Choosing to come back to our simple hometown life after college was, by far, the best decision we have ever made. And you know what? We’re not alone. So are you going to tell me that those who choose to leave and head to the bigger city are better than the thousands of us whom have chosen to raise our families in a small town?

When we came back, we began a family business that has contributed to our small town economy for over 10 years. We are business owners and we are as successful as we want to be. Do we have loads of cash? No. But we have a roof and food. We have enough.

So if you’re too good for this small town life, there’s a lot you’re too good for. Here’s a little list for you…

  1. You’re too good for the teachers who stayed in that small town you grew up in in order to help you further your education and go for your dreams.
  2. You’re too good for your own family. You know…those people who raised you, fed you, and picked you up every time you fell in that small town.
  3. You’re too good for the job your mother and/or father had, the job that provided for you to be able to get “unstuck.”
  4. You’re too good for the cooks who fed you, the librarian who provided enriching activities, the guidance counselor who led you, and the principal who disciplined you when you were showing your disrespectful attitude.
  5. You’re too good for the doctors who saw you through every sniffle and hospital stay.
  6. You’re too good for the nurses who comforted you and knew you by name when they saw you in the grocery store.
  7. You’re too good for the secretaries, teachers, and role models who made sure you were where you were supposed to be and not where you wanted to be.
  8. You’re too good for unlocked doors and friendly highway waves.
  9. You’re too good for cruising with your friends on country roads until all hours of the night.
  10. You’re too good for the fundraisers your hometown puts on for every person ever suffering from anything.
  11. You’re too good for playing until the street lights come on without fear.
  12. You’re too good for those people who run the swimming pool every summer and somehow manage to babysit half the town every day.
  13. You’re too good for the volunteer firefighters and EMTs who saved your friend or family member.
  14. You’re too good for raising your family with the help of 3,000 others.
  15. You’re too good for Friday night lights and prom parties, for your coaches and teammates, and for your memories.
  16. You’re too good for the mechanic who fixes your car, the vet who takes care of your dog, the convenience store clerk who knows you by name, and the pastor who prays for you.
  17. You’re too good for the radio stations you jammed out to while you dreamed of a different life.
  18. You’re too good for the safe and comfortable home you grew up in and for the volunteers who saw you through every youth event you were ever a part of.
  19. You’re too good for the farmers who grew the food you eat every day.
  20. You’re too good for me and all of your friends who want to raise their families in a small town.

So go for your dreams, but remember all these people are living their dreams, too. We chose small town life. It doesn’t mean we’re stuck; it means we chose differently than you. You’re not wrong for wanting to leave, but don’t assume we’re wrong for wanting to stay.

Life is what you make it.

~

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My Dear Children: I Don’t Like You

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Cue the confetti and the trumpets, “Mom of the Year” goes to…anybody BUT Bailey Koch.

Oh. My. Parenting. Seriously, guys. This week has been bad. We are talking “keep the boys from smashing each others’ heads into the tile,” “lock mom in the bedroom for your own safety,” “slam doors and break door trim” kind of bad.

So after today, I’ve seriously had it. I’m one who wears my heart on my sleeve, so hiding my feelings is not happening. My kids know mommy is officially losing it. Seriously thought about walking out of the house and going for a drive alone; and I would have had I not remembered the fact that our youngest has a serious case of “If you leave, you are never coming back” syndrome. I get it. He’s been through a lot with daddy’s accident, heart attack, and so on and so forth. So I didn’t leave. I locked myself in the bedroom. Or was that last night? OHHHH right. It was both.

But with that being said, this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week has left me with a big realization…

My dear children: I don’t like you.

You can officially give that mom of the year award away to anybody but me now. But it’s true. It’s summer, and I swear my children have turned into whiny, hearing impaired aliens. And it all comes down to one word, one word I can’t stand and absolutely despise…entitlement. I’m pretty sure both of my children have the word written across their foreheads at this very moment.

Get food out of the freezer and a few items fall out? Don’t worry. It works best if you stand there and scream and jump for mom to come pick it up since your “hands are full” of your nice cold treat.

Hungry at 5:00 and mom isn’t making supper fast enough? No worries. Just open up a can of spaghettios, warm them up in the microwave, and enjoy your time ruining your appetite for the nice meal your mother is about to begin preparing. Oh but be sure you leave all trash out, your bowl sitting in the living room for three days, and splatter that yummy sauce all over the microwave. Awesome.

Too tired to lift the toilet seat? Don’t worry. I genuinely love cleaning up pee all over the bathroom. Oh, and I adore sitting in it. Thank you!

Can’t find that precious stuffed animal? Oh it was me. Totally me. I hid it in an underground cave of wonders because I generally suck. That is all.

But entitlement is not only extremely annoying, it’s also dangerous. I refuse, REFUSE, to raise children who believe the world owes them anything. You work hard. You stand up for what you believe in. You get knocked down and you get back up. That’s what I want them to know. But right now, I’m pretty sure I’m failing miserably. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that a bad day does not mean a bad life. But this entitlement issue is bad.

So it’s true, my boys. I don’t like you right now. I love you. Oh my goodness do I love you. You have no idea how much, but that’s why you have to know why I don’t like you. We all have some work to do. Because when I don’t like you, I generally don’t like the person I become either. I turn into a screaming maniac. And if you ever videotape one of my outbursts, I will send your most embarrassing pictures to every girlfriend you will ever have for social media sharing.

Entitlement equals disrespect, and those are the issues we are having. While I love you, my children, I don’t like you right now. And if this behavior doesn’t stop, nobody else is going to like you either. Keeping a job? Forget it. You’ll believe you only have to show up when you feel like it and can leave whenever you want. Having a meaningful and loving relationship with a woman? No way. You’ll believe any woman is only there to pick up after you and allow you to walk all over her. Succeed in school? Nope. You’ll find a way to blame all of your mistakes on someone else.

So guess what, my children? You live under my roof, and this behavior stops now. I love you too much to not like you.

Love,

Mom

www.jeremyandbailey.com

https://www.facebook.com/jeremyandbaileykoch/