I Sucked at Parenting Today

Those days when you feel like an absolutely terrible mother – those days just flat out suck. We did not start today out well. I sent my boys off to school with attitudes flying everywhere…including and especially my own. Hudson is 10 and Asher is 7. Compound their ages, the fact that they are two brothers relatively close in age and almost the same size, and the fact that Hudson has ADHD and can be extremely impulsive and we get some pretty severe cases of sibling rivalry from time to time. Add in a tired and annoyed mom, and we get – well…today.
 
I’ve reproduced a shorter version of myself in Hudson. That boy and I can butt heads so badly at times, and it’s entirely because we are exactly the same person in different bodies. We both have to have the last word. We both have to be heard. We both have to understand the world by experiencing it ourselves. And we both have to feel respected without always understanding that we have to earn that respect. We both have a temper. We both have to walk away and think or we will put a foot in our mouths so deeply it’s impossible to breathe. We both over-react. We both struggle with admitting when we are wrong…until much later. We both easily become overstimulated and need space. We both crave truth and learning on our own terms. We both have a strong desire to prove ourselves. We both have a firecracker spirit. We both fight hard and love harder. We both don’t know when to quit. He’s me…only shorter and more male.
 
I maintain the first two years of being a parent are little more than survival mode. After that, we start navigating full-blown uncharted territory. We pray we are just going the right way and not making turns that will cause us to be forever lost in thorny woods. But we have a faulty compass when we rely on our own methods and when we refuse to turn around after making a wrong turn. Why? Because kids don’t come with a map or guidebook. Today, I took a wrong turn and I’m going to have to explain to my son that that’s okay. He can take wrong turns too, which he did. Neither of us handled today well. But as the parent, it’s my job to model how to respectfully handle mistakes.
So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll admit wrong. I’ll apologize. I’ll do better. But I also have to help my kid understand there are consequences for how he behaved today as well. He’ll argue and he’ll be mad…again. But this time, I won’t react. This time I’ll model behavior I want him to adopt. Don’t be like the me I was this morning, be like the me I’ll be tonight. Learn from mistakes and keep going.
I sucked at parenting today. But I’ll forgive myself and do better. My kids deserve that.

One thought on “I Sucked at Parenting Today

  1. My youngest and I have had many days like this. He is 18 now and we still do, tbh. But when he was younger and school, homework, and sports added to the list of things to get through each day, we devised a system to help us not get lost in a senseless cycle of last-wordism. We decided to have a secret word, one that we wouldn’t normally say in the course of everyday conversation, that we could say when we recognized what we were doing or just needed a break. Then, when one of us realized we were arguing needlessly and had become locked in our pattern of head butting, we said “dolphin.” That was the secret word my son chose. And when either of us said it? We both had to take a deep breath and just STOP whatever we had been doing. Many times just saying the word broke the tension and led to smiles when we realized we had locked horns about something stupid. We didn’t tell his brothers or Dad about it right away, so when they looked at us like we lost our minds for blurting out dolphin in response to a completely unrelated conversation, we might even start giggling. Inevitably one of us saying dolphin led to hugs and healing. Recently we got into a heated conversation about his joining the military – something I am opposed to – and he said dolphin to me. It had been a very long time since either of us had used our word. But I was so glad he had that tool to use to alert me that I was attacking him from a place of fear rather than actually hearing what he was saying.
    Don’t be too hard on yourself. Parenting is hard. We are only human. And as they get older they really do know you love them and did your best. 💕💕

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s