New Year. New Me.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
 
I’ve lost weight before – 65 pounds to be exact. In case any of you weren’t friends with me in 2009, I was up to 226 pounds on the day I delivered our youngest son. After having Asher, my body quickly lost 25…literally overnight. So…201 was the number. I’m on the right holding our oldest son, Hudson. I was visiting my friend, Angela, holding Asher, our youngest son.

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But it wasn’t the number that got me. It was the way I felt. It was the constant back pain, the zero energy, the self-confidence issues. Those are what mattered. It took me a while to find the motivation, but once I found it, the journey started. And I wouldn’t stop. At my best friend’s wedding in 2014, I weighed 140 pounds (actually too thin for me). I had worked my ass off. No sugar-coating that word; it’s true. I maintained a healthy weight at 150 for quite a while.
But it was almost April last year when I realized my weight was creeping up again. I had left my job as a special educator, one in which I walked miles every day around the school, and took up focus on my doctoral degree and working from home. You can imagine how much my exercise level had changed. But I kept pushing it off. I kept saying 160 is okay, I can stay there. But I changed no habits. All of the sudden, I was 170 and could stay there. But I changed no habits. Now here I am. Christmas is over and I weigh 184.6 pounds (well 180.6 since I started a couple days ago). My back hurts so freaking bad, I can’t sit on the floor and play games with my son. I have zero energy to do any physical exercise. And my body is literally falling apart. I now proudly (and embarrassingly) display scars from 5 knee surgeries and 1 ankle surgery. What would this have to do with weight, you ask? Everything. I have extremely weak joints, as do many people. But for those of us who do, muscles hold us together well…unless you’re me and you have no muscle. So I fall apart. I sublux (dislocate and immediately pop back in). It started in middle school with my knees. The ankle began in September and I have since undergone surgery there. And this just in…my shoulder began subluxing while I was in my boot for my ankle and I refused to do anything or tell anyone because it’s freaking embarrassing and ridiculous how damn clumsy I seem. In reality, while I am clumsy, I’m put together horrible. And I’m getting older. I have to do something, and I have to do it better than I ever have before.
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My goal is 145 pounds, but I believe the scale lies. Today, I am 181 so I have 36 pounds to go. I don’t know what my body will be like as this is the first time I will be actively trying to gain muscle. I’m basing this more off of the mirror and how I feel. I’ve started my diet and walking on the treadmill, but I start the 21 day challenge workouts on Monday. And I will do them. And I will hate them. But after a while, the workouts will get easier. I will look at myself in the mirror and smile as I will see progress. I will notice my clothes fitting different…or fitting at all.
 
I’m very blessed that after 15 years, I still look at my husband and think he’s totally a hottie. I know he feels this way about me too, but I’m ready to believe him when he tells me this. So why am I sharing? Because I know there are so many of you whom have told yourself you will lose weight before. I have been doing it for a long time, but I also have lost a lot of weight before. I know it’s not easy to lose weight. I know it’s easy to put it back on. I’ve done both. Time to lose it and keep it gone. I’m ready to get healthy. Feel free to join me. And no this isn’t just another resolution nobody keeps. This is learning to live healthy. It takes time. I will falter sometimes, but I will get back up and keep going. It’s life.
What do you have to lose? I’m looking forward to losing back pain, losing my lack of energy, losing the possibilities of more surgeries, and losing my fear of full body pictures. 🙂 So it begins…

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