This Just In…And Today God Gave Me What I Needed!!!

/ Anchoring Hope for Mental Health / 1 Comment

So…yesterday I sulked that I didn’t get a full-time job at UNK. I convinced myself that all classes were likely going to be taken from me; by doing that, I prepared myself for disappointment. It won’t hurt as much if I just believe nothing is changing and I’m not getting any job. But it still hurt. By the end of the day, I was emotionally spent, but I did set my sights on what is important. I remembered that there is good in everything and I held my babies tight. I praised God while watching my boys in their Bible School concert and I prayed for strength and understanding. I prayed that God’s will be done. I prayed that I would be able to help take care of my family financially somehow.

And today, God gave me what I needed, not what I wanted yesterday.

Hi, I’m Bailey Koch, official instructor for the University of Nebraska at Kearney.

I'm a Loper again! But this time, I'm an instructor and no longer the student!

I’m a Loper again! But this time, I’m an instructor and no longer the student!

I just got off the phone with the Dean; he called me this morning. He offered me a part-time job teaching 6 credit hours in the Teacher Education and Teacher Education/Special Education Departments of UNK. I have an office. I have a computer. I only have to drive two days a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) as they moved around schedules to accommodate my drive time; that’s why they didn’t call me yesterday. I’m not making a lot, but I’m making enough to help support our family financially. It’s exactly what our family needs, and I feel like my hours spent on this degree are finally beginning to help.

Hi, I’m Bailey Koch. And God just slapped me across the face…again. I love it when He does that to me. He gets me every time! God is good all the time. Trust that tomorrow, something more will come. It’s okay to be told “NO” by God sometimes. Because the “YES” feels oh so good.

When God Says “No” and I wanted “Yes”

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Well, my pride is hurt. My feelings are hurt. I’m all out just bummed right now. I’m kind of on a pity party. I know I’ll get over it but I don’t really want to yet. I just want to be mad right now. Thankfully, I know how to not take this out on my husband and kids (mistakes made in the past have helped me move past that aspect of my pity party), but I still just need to be mad.

You see, here’s the deal. Let’s go back in time to August of 2013…

I knew I needed to leave my job and secure paycheck as a public education teacher; I knew it because God made it obvious. I was terrified to go to Jeremy and tell him that this is what I felt I needed to do for our family. To my surprise, Jeremy had no hesitations. None. Sure, honey. We are small business owners who often rely on your paycheck during the winter when we can’t always pay me, but quit your job. I understand and support you completely. I believe in you and what we are trying to do together for our family.

That’s awesome. My husband is amazing. So when am I going to start believing in me the way he believes in me?

So I did it. I quit my job. I left with stellar recommendations from my administrators and co-teachers. I was working on my doctoral degree and holding fast to a 4.0 GPA. Everyone I knew said to me, “Oh you’ll find a job immediately. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” You can likely tell that I didn’t only leave with these qualifications and amazing references, I also left with a giant I’m awesome attitude.

Well, God has a way of humbling us when we try to take on the glory ourselves rather than giving it to Him. I’ve learned my lesson…and am still learning it.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of good has come from me leaving my job. Like…a lot. God has provided for us when we needed it, and I know He will continue to. We have even had family members who believe in us so deeply that they give and give of themselves. Do you have any idea how hard it is to accept financial gifts from family? Holy cow…there’s a lesson I didn’t ever think I’d have to learn. But now I know how God works; He is teaching me how He wants me to be for my future generations. I am working my butt off right now to set up our family financially for the future. And will I give as best I can to my kids, grandkids, parents, etc. when I am able? You bet your butt I will…because I know what it feels like to need it.

Our retirement is draining because we have been living off of that, but one day it will fill up again. We are learning to live without truly knowing how God is going to provide. I do love our life, but sometimes hearing “No” from God when I wanted “Yes” is hard.

So here is what has happened since I left my job. I had applied for over 70 positions without even getting a call-back. When I finally did get an interview, the entire thing was in Spanish. Yep…the entire interview. While I do have a degree in Spanish, teaching the alphabet to 7th graders for 7 years has its way of limiting higher-level conversational skills. I felt so stupid. I immediately started reading my old Spanish textbooks to brush up…but I wasn’t shocked when they never called me again. Lol…actually we got a good laugh out of it and I stopped applying for any Spanish teaching positions where I would have to converse face-to-face. Reading…great. Writing…good. Speaking…well, crap.

But I did get to be home with our youngest son during his last year before starting Kindergarten and be there 100% for my husband as we learned how to more effectively manage his depression. I got to finish up our book and get it published. “Never Alone: A Husband and Wife’s Journey with Depression and Faith” became a reality in March and is our life story. I know that is the main reason I was supposed to leave my job, because we focused on that and our story has helped many understand the reality of mental illness. I know that I will have more time now to help our book reach more people who may be struggling with truly understanding what it is like to either live with severe depression and suicidal thoughts (or another unseen illness) or to be the primary support person for someone suffering. I cannot even begin to explain the joy we feel when we realize that God has used us, yet again, to help somebody accept help with mental illness. It is so humbling and has truly helped us understand that God is in control and we are not. We wrote because God told us to. We shared because God put it on our hearts. And we receiving healing, understanding, and support as a result of sharing. God is so good.

I also got to focus on my doctoral degree being unemployed. As I type, I literally have three assignments left before I am in complete dissertation mode. And yes, I’m still holding onto my 4.0 GPA. Don’t be impressed, it’s freaking hard. I am up most nights until midnight or later just praying for the strength and knowledge to complete my assignments correctly. I sit at my desk and try to concentrate while also trying to balance my life as a small business owner, writer, wife, and mom of two young boys. I spend around 45 hours a week on homework alone. Now that I realize it’s not me, it’s God, it has become easier. I won’t lie. God made me passionate about special education, about students, and about writing. He gave me talents and I am putting them to use for this degree. I do believe He will make the work worth it because I believe I have the power to do good for future educators and students, but I’m ready now. Apparently He’s not.

I do get to start at the University of Nebraska at Kearney in August as an adjunct instructor. While I thought the possibility of full-time employment was there right now, it’s not. And I just found out today. So I’m bummed. But even writing has helped me practice what I preach. God is in control and I am not. While my plan is wrecked, I have to focus on the good. God has opened a door; I’m still getting to teach. It’s just not full-time. I’m still being given an amazing opportunity to begin my new career. Someday, it will be more. But right now, God says no. He has something more planned for me in the present moment that I don’t yet know about.

So I’ll begin my new career slowly, enthusiastically, and gratefully. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us. Because if it’s anything like what He did for us since I left that comfortable life, bring it on. We may have little money, but we have more love and understanding than we ever have; and you can’t put a price on that.

Advice to My Boys: 12 Non-Negotiables

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Hello boys. This is your mother. A few things in the media have recently caught my attention, and as a mother and a teacher, I will tell you that I am absolutely disgusted by parenting anymore. I know what happens as a result of parents believing their children are perfect; I have seen it in my classroom. And I refuse to be the mother who ever allows this to happen.

So here is my news flash to you, you are not perfect. And when you mess up, I will back you up, but only to take your biscuits to jail if that’s what needs to be done.

When you were very young, screaming in a restaurant resulted in my hauling you to the bathroom to wash your mouth out with soap or standing outside with you in the heat for 30 minutes while you kicked and screamed. I’m not sorry. Because those people sitting with friends and family in the restaurant deserve to not listen to my child scream. When you smacked your brother, I smacked your butt. I’m not sorry. Feeling exactly how it feels when you hit him helps you grow empathy for others and learn to control your anger. When you slammed your door so many times that it broke the trim, I took your door until you learned how to count to ten rather than breaking my house. I’m not sorry. That lesson helped you learn respect for property. When you tore parts of the city’s snow fence from across the street to use as weapons, I stood behind the local policeman who caught you and we came up with a plan for how you would pay for the fence. I’m not sorry. And watching you about crap your pants as our extremely intimidating police officer walked toward you was payment enough for me…actually, it was freaking hilarious. Then I truly enjoyed watching you pick up trash in local city parks as more punishment to be sure you understood respect for property. Again, I’m not sorry.

I love being mom of boys, but the responsibility of raising respectful young men comes with a lot of pressure.

I love being mom of boys, but the responsibility of raising respectful young men comes with a lot of pressure.

I get it, you are exactly like your mother. We tend to be hot-headed and quick to react. But the best part is, being your mother and teaching you how to control that part of you has helped me learn to control that part of me. There is a lot of danger in any parent believing we are done learning. I know I’m messing up every day, but I’m trying my hardest to help you understand that we are all human. You will mess up. So will I. And we will back each other up because we are navigating this life together.

There is a lot of power in two words: acceptance and respect. Accept the fact that you are not perfect. You will make mistakes and you will fall on your face. I will ALWAYS be there to support you, but remember that my job is to help you LEARN. Respect the fact that I am older than you and I have done more than you can possibly imagine yet. That is why I will allow you to make mistakes and I will never pretend that I am perfect. But there is this whole other issue with respect that must be addressed, so I’m warning you now.

If you do not learn respect for yourself, for your friends and family, for property, and for strangers, you are in for an extremely sad life. But learn respect, and you will gain that respect from others. You will be a happy and contributing member of society who treats others with kindness and empathy; that is my prayer for you.

Our boys are 9 and 6 this year.

Our boys are 9 and 6 this year.

So here is my advice (a warning, perhaps) to you, my boys, as you are growing older. And it all has to do with how I plan to help you learn respect:

1. I repeated “NO MEANS NO” to you millions of times for a reason. It doesn’t only apply to me, it applies to every female you will ever come in contact with. If I hear you disrespected that, I will dress up like a fairy princess and show up at Homecoming or your work place to visit you.

2. If I hear that you were at all involved in any type of bullying, I will escort you to the home of the person whom was feeling victimized and personally ensure that you ARE SORRY and that you will NEVER make another human being feel less important than you again. This goes for standing and doing nothing while your friends are engaging in bullying; that is the same. You are just as much at fault.

3. Manners never become less important; in fact, it’s the opposite. When you are in my home, I expect you to say please and thank you and open doors. This becomes even more important when you are out of my home. One day, you will have a girlfriend. I want to see the sparkle in her eye when she sees that you naturally open doors for her without thinking. If you don’t, I will come out and do it for her to show her that I taught you better than that.

4. Girls are not “hot”, they are beautiful. Girls are breathtaking and are naturally self-conscious. You have watched me struggle with my own self-image for years. And you, my sweethearts, have helped me overcome it with your child-like innocence and your definition of beauty because you are looking at your mother, someone you know to love you unconditionally. Look at women like that; never lose that part of you that I love so dearly. Look at girls as the perfect beings they are. Tell her she is beautiful; don’t wait for her to ask for your approval.

5. Wait. Please, just wait. Do you want honesty? I tried to throw myself at your father when we began dating in high school because that is the only way I knew to get boys to like me. Know what he did? He said no to me; he told me he didn’t need that from me to show me he loves me. He saw my vulnerability, and he chose not to take advantage. Your daddy stole my heart that night. He hurt my pride (or what I thought to be pride at that point in my life), but he stole my heart, and he set the tone for our entire relationship. We didn’t wait before we found each other. But we learned from our mistakes and we waited for each other to be ready for that incredibly intimate part of life. Then, when daddy was ready, my self-worth had grown to the point where I understood I was worth the wait. So we waited more. We waited until our wedding night, and it was the best decision we ever made for our relationship. Please be like your daddy. Please. There is a reason God reserved that right for marriage, and I learned it first-hand.

Jeremy and I had been dating for a little over a month in this picture...I was 16 (junior in high school) and he was 18 (senior). :-)

This is your daddy and I about two hours before he told me no. I fell in love with him that night. I was 16 and he was 18. (February 2001)

6. When you make a mistake, own up. Attempting to cover your tracks only makes the situation worse. When you accept that you made a mistake and you genuinely apologize for it, learning and respect take place.

7. If you impregnate anyone, ever, know that you are now your own family. Do not ask me to raise your child for you. Do not ask me for the money to support your family. I will help you, but I will not be a man for you. At some point, we all need help. But at some point, we all have to learn how to ask for help without expecting it.

8. Nobody owes you anything…ever. Do good out of the goodness of your own heart and expect nothing in return. God will reward you in different ways. Do not expect that another person’s definition of doing good is the same as yours. Abide by the Golden Rule; one should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.

9. Pride is your biggest enemy. Your satisfaction should come in knowing that others love and respect you as a man of God, as a family man who puts his family’s needs before his own, and as a man who will always help someone in need. A man is not measured by his achievements. Give the glory to God. He is who made you who you are; follow Him and He will make your paths straight.

10. Understand that this life is not about you. This life is about doing good and sharing love with others. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you will learn to let the little things go, to love God above all else, and to love your family above all things society tends to hold important.

11. When you become a husband, remember two things:

 (a). Your relationship with your wife is most important of all, but still just behind your relationship with Christ. You are the example being set in your home. Love her. Never stop flirting. Go on dates. Do not be candid about your love for her in front of your children. And support her in every way.

(b). Your children will learn how to treat others by your example. So refer to all advice above. On these things, I am right.

12. Your relationship with God is the most important of all of these, and that is why it is last on my list…because I want it to be the first thing you remember when reading this. You know what we have been through as a family, because you have lived it. We have hope in Christ, and all glory goes to God. He is why we are still a family today. He makes us strong.

“Never Alone: A Husband and Wife’s Journey with Depression and Faith” is the first work by Jeremy and Bailey and is available for purchase in paperback from the authors directly or in eBook format on Amazon. Thank you for your support of our mission to help the world understand the reality of severe depression, suicide, and unseen illnesses.

Girls…Learn that guys don’t show love how you’ve seen in movies.

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I see it everywhere I look on social media. Young girls, teens, and even women are sharing photos and fictional stories about how love should be. Usually I see pictures of movies, huge diamonds, and very planned and elaborate proposals (many staged for photos) shared with comments and boyfriends’ or husbands’ names tagged saying things like, “Soandso Babaganush…I want THIS!”

So I have this to say to you, females. Stop it. It’s time to learn that love doesn’t have to be that complicated. It’s time to support your man in reality, not in social media world. In real life, you may have one or two super romantic moments that are photograph worthy, but the reality is that you will one day marry a man, not a machine that can read your thoughts. You better start to realize that true love can be shown in so many ways, and guys show love much differently than you want. You are setting yourselves up for disappointment and relationship failure because of your expectations of people who cannot generally understand that type of display all the time.

But you will learn to love the way he shows love to you more than you could ever dream of. You just have to let yourself. Isn’t it better to let him decide how he will love you than you tell him how to do it?

But why am I giving you this advice? It is because I have a husband whom is very low-key and simple in his displays of love, but what he does, he does with incredible respect and love for me. So I’ll show you how he shows me love so you can understand my view on this. This post started because of this text this morning.

Jeremy textWhy would, “On our way back :)” mean anything to me? How does this show love? Let’s go back a few years…

On February 16, 2012, Jeremy was almost killed in a car accident. I was at work and wasn’t with him. In a room full of 8th grade students, my principal opened the door and brought another teacher in to cover my class for me. He walked me out into the hallway where I saw a policeman walking toward me. At that moment, the door of another administrator flew open and I heard the words, “The doctor is on the phone to speak with Bailey.” My principal, knowing I was extremely confused and terrified, said to me, “Jeremy was in an accident. He’s alive.”

I could keep going and turn this into an extremely long story, but I have written about it before here on this blog and in great detail in “Never Alone: A Husband and Wife’s Journey with Depression and Faith”. Jeremy did almost die and we spent a month in the hospital and then many more recovering. From medication failures, suicide attempts, and the near-death accident, we learned to understand that the person you love may be minutes away from leaving this earth. Love does not have to be so complicated. And showing love can be very simple.

So this morning, my husband hopped in the truck with our two boys to run an errand downtown. Five minutes after they left, the sirens sounded in town. Jeremy is alive and we have learned to understand that the terrible things we have been through have only made us stronger and closer to God, so from the pain we found hope and purpose. But if my husband or children are not home and those sirens sound, I physically and emotionally cannot handle it to this day; I have to call and check on my loves. Jeremy says, “Hey, we all have our stuff. After what we’ve been through together, I think you’re entitled to be a little irrational at times.”

So I heard the sirens and tried to fight my urge to call. I’m working on it. But I didn’t have to fight it…because my husband beat me to it. Instead of judging me for being worried every time I hear those sirens as I had that day the blasts were there for Jeremy, he chooses to love me instead. I received this text on my phone almost instantaneously when the sirens started blaring. Jeremy textMy husband and boys were fine, and Jeremy knew I needed to hear that. The sirens were not for them, and my husband reinforced his love and respect for me through these simple words. That is love, ladies. It’s not extravagant. It’s simple. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So I want to share with you how my husband shows his love for me. These are my favorite ways Jeremy shows me how much he loves me. This doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways, but these ways have grown to be my favorite. You’ll notice none of them have to do with money or planned moments. This is just love…and how he shows it to me without even knowing it.

In no particular order…

1. He texts me if he is not home when the sirens blast in town so I know the rescue unit isn’t being called for him.

2. He disciplines our boys when they are being disrespectful to me, but he never uses, “You do not speak to your mother that way.” He changes it. He says, “You do not ever speak to MY WIFE like that.”

3. He seasons my steak differently than his and all the others and marks which steak on the grill is mine.

4. He always says thank you for meals, for my cleaning the house, for me helping him on jobs, etc.

5. He prays with our boys and I and is a living example of what a respectful Christian man should be.

6. He asks me for my opinion and respects it, not always using it, but respecting it.

7. He explains things to me that I don’t understand all the time (sports, mechanics, landscaping…) and has learned that I now have a good knowledge base because I have listened to him. He has trained me without meaning to and has created a fun (and hot he says) sidekick!

8. He works hard for our family. He plays hard with our family. He puts faith and family first and teaches our boys that the two go hand-in-hand. He knows that when we put God first and glorify Him through our actions and daily lives, it doesn’t matter if we are on a landscaping job or in church, we are worshiping Him and thanking Him every second for this life.

9. He tells me what I’m doing right and what he appreciates about me.

10. He rolls over, kisses me goodnight, and puts on his CPAP breathing machine when I kick him in the night for snoring instead of yelling at me like he probably wants to. 🙂

These may seem simple and strange to some, but these are my favorite ways my simple husband has shown love to me. I have been proposed to. I have been on honeymoons, vacations, and dates. But the daily ways Jeremy shows love to me mean more than any of that ever could. So ladies, learn to see the ways he loves you. They will be different than ours, but I bet they’re there.

Learn more about our journey and purchase “Never Alone: A Husband and Wife’s Journey with Depression and Faith” at www.jeremyandbailey.com.

“Christians”, Stop Making the Rest of us Christians Look Bad

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I write when I’m upset. And right now, I’m upset. It started a few weeks ago when I saw in the media that a woman was suing some organization or person or state or something (Can you tell I refuse to read crap like that?) for supporting homosexuality. All of this was based on her “Christian” beliefs.

Yes, Christians, I just did that. I put the word Christian in quotes. And I meant it. So sue me. Now here is my disclaimer…I, as a Christian, will not say how I feel about homosexuality or anything else controversial in my religion. Do you know why? Because I don’t even know how I feel about it. Honestly, I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re gay or straight or bi-sexual or white or black or blue or purple or green. Are you a human? Awesome! So am I!

And I’m also a Christian. I have a relationship with Christ. I know my God. And I know my God is only good. That’s it. That’s all I need to know. I DO NOT have a right to judge another human being. Period.

So when you “Christians” attack others based upon your religion, who are you helping? We talk about being all-accepting and trying to be like Jesus. Do you seriously think He wants us to treat others like this? I get that you have your beliefs. Fine! But seriously, get over yourselves. Just because you know you are right doesn’t mean that everyone else is wrong! You have your own sins. Why are yours any different than anyone else’s?

If you truly have a relationship with Christ, then you should be completely and perfectly secure in your own beliefs. Why do others have to agree with you?

I am a Christian co-author. I believe wholeheartedly in finding God’s good in every situation because He is there. He is with us always, and I imagine that my God is desperately trying to help you see the good in every person and situation. My husband suffers from severe depression. It is accompanied by suicidal thoughts and actions. He has almost taken his life on five different occasions. We have learned to live with the reality of mental illness, understand it, and help others see the truth. God is good all the time. There is good in everything, we just have to allow ourselves to see it. And God wants us to help others see Him. If you want to know more about why my husband and I are the way we are and why our faith is so strong (and often different), read our book. “Never Alone: A Husband and Wife’s Journey with Depression and Faith” is real. It’s our reality. It’s how we found our faith and our purpose in the most terrifying circumstances. We have learned to know God, to understand His amazing grace, and to truly understand that God only wants us to spread His good.

Trying to beat the sin out of someone will not help. Telling others you are superior to them will not help. Have you tried accepting? Being nice to someone? Praying with them or for them if you don’t agree? God has a way of helping me see life more clearly if I pray for someone else. Usually, I’m the one who needs to open my eyes more to see a different perspective.

What’s the best perspective I have found? Look at life and people from Jesus’ point of view.

The newest media buzz is what happened with Josh Duggar when he was a teenager. Now we have all of these “Christians” saying the show should be completely pulled and Josh and his family should be shamed and ostracized. That’s awesome. Way to completely and totally destroy everything Christianity stands for. You want to know how I see it? I see a family who stood behind their son when he was going through an extremely confusing and difficult time. I see parents who got their kid the help he needed and a kid who learned to accept that his actions were inexcusable. I see a Christian who is not denying that he has sinned…that he is not perfect. And I see a family standing behind him. I also see “Christians” continuously judging. Let me ask you this, do you want to be judged for everything you did when you were a teenager? Have you accepted what you did growing up? How will you respond when your sins are splashed all over the media for the world to judge?

Grow up, “Christians”. And start being Christians.

I am fully prepared to stand up for everything I have said in this piece. I am taking a stand for God. For love. For everything in this world that is good. It is true that we all sin, so let’s learn to love one another and help grow our relationships with Christ. THAT is when we will see the change we all so desperately want to see in this world. Just love.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” Genesis 50:20

I stand behind my words. Here I am. :-)

I stand behind my words. Here I am at the exact moment and location when I wrote this. It is clear to see I’m not perfect either. I often write to remind myself as well. 🙂

Learn more about Jeremy and I and our journey and mission at www.jeremyandbailey.com.

When God Speaks to Me: My Top Christian “Keep Going” Songs

/ Anchoring Hope for Mental Health / 4 Comments

It all started after Jeremy’s accident. I always believed in God, but I didn’t truly understand how present He really is until I was so mad that I screamed every cuss word I could remember in the English language at Him. Why did my husband suffer so horribly from suicidal thoughts? Was Jeremy here now fighting for his life because he had almost succeeded at ending it? Is that what happened? Is that what God wanted? I didn’t understand any of it. Nothing.

So I did it. I yelled at Him. I screamed at the top of my lungs and asked Him why us. I told God to **** off. I told Him I hated Him, that Jeremy didn’t deserve this. MY husband…a man who always puts others first…a man who loves me and his boys so wholly that his depression diagnosis made no sense to me at the time. This was about me and my family. And I let God have it.

Jeremy in ICU, February 2012.

Jeremy in ICU, February 2012.

Jeremy's truck after the accident in 2012.

Jeremy’s truck after the accident in 2012.

After I got my wits about me and believed God had likely had enough, I pulled my shell of a self off the floor. While it had seemed like only God and I were having it out in that waiting room while Jeremy was in a life-saving surgery, the reality was that over 20 people had just witnessed my breakdown. I looked up and saw Him.

Yes. Him. I saw Jesus crying.

I’ll never forget it. My sister-in-law, just 19 years old at the time, had tears streaming down her face having witnessed what I had just done. But instead of lashing out in anger at me, God chose instead to reveal His presence to me in a way I could no longer ignore. I saw my Savior in Jacqui. He was there and I couldn’t deny His plan any longer.

In that moment, I knew Jeremy was going to live. I was still terrified, but a comfort I had never understood before began to overtake my fear. And 20 minutes after that breakdown happened, a surgeon approached me with news that Jeremy’s internal injuries were healing. Jeremy was, in fact, a miracle. Twenty years ago, without modern life-saving technology and the incredible surgeons who allow God to save others through their hands, my husband would not be here. There was still a rough road ahead, but Jeremy was healing. It was the first good news I had heard in a long while…and it came directly after I told God to screw Himself.

Now that’s forgiveness.

After that, everything changed. My faith exploded. God had revealed Himself so strongly to me that I knew something was going to come from this…something good. God is only good and I knew He had a plan I knew nothing about. I didn’t have to know at the time…I just had to learn to trust. Key word…learn. It wasn’t easy. But now I get it. Three years later, Jeremy and I are published Christian co-authors. We found healing and faith during our journey with depression. We learned that God wanted us to fight together in order to help others suffering understand they are never alone. You are never alone.

Jeremy designed the cover of our book himself as this was such a personal endeavor.

Jeremy designed the cover of our book himself as this was such a personal endeavor.

“Never Alone: A Husband and Wife’s Journey with Depression and Faith” is now available in both eBook and paperback. A labor of love, Jeremy and I are sharing our reality with the world because so many suffer in silence. The book is only one way that we can share with the world the truth about God’s presence during terrifying or devastating situations.

But we all need reminders sometimes.

I’ll never forget driving in Omaha only a few hours after my waiting room fight with God. A car in front of me stopped short. My face was still stained with tears and I was ashamed of what I had yelled in that waiting room. I slammed on my breaks and the tears began to flow again. But I looked up and saw a bumper sticker for My Bridge Radio. I tuned in and began understanding how God would speak to me so clearly through music. I heard, “I remember the moment. I remember the pain. I was only a girl, but I grew up that day. Tears were falling. I know you saw me.”

I knew God was there. He was sitting right beside me in that passenger seat. And this is where haters will hate. And feel free. But you know what, He’s with you too. You can say music is just music, that it’s only there so the artist can make a buck. But what if God wanted that song to be written for me? Can you prove He didn’t? As a Christian co-author now, I can tell you that writing that book came about because Jeremy and I knew it is what God wanted from us. We know we are meant to help others. It is possible that somebody, somewhere, will pick up our book and choose to put the gun down. THAT is why we wrote it. YOU are why we wrote it.

“Hiding there in my bedroom, so alone. I was doing my best, trying to be strong. No one to turn to. That’s when I met You…

All this time, from the first tear cried till today’s sunrise
and every single moment between.
You were there. You were always there.
It was You and I.
You’ve been walking with me all this time.
You’ve been walking with me all this time.”- Britt Nicole

Jeremy, in February 2012, just after they extubated him and woke him from the medically induced coma.

Jeremy, in February 2012, just after they extubated him and woke him from the medically induced coma.

Thank you, Britt Nicole and My Bridge Radio. I am one of the reasons you were supposed to record and play “All This Time”. To this day, music is still my reminder of His company. Reading our book and remembering where we were then versus where we are now is always encouraging. But we all slip sometimes. Being a human requires pain, lessons we don’t want, and acceptance of realities we aren’t ready for. So the choice is ours.

Do we choose to see God’s good in our lives or do we choose to continue to ignore Him?

For me, seeing Him is as simple as hearing the music He places in my life just at the right times. I find myself singing along before I realize it. Then I remind myself that God may be wanting me to hear something. I listen to the lyrics and before I know it, I’m crying tears of joy and sheer astonishment at how good He truly is…how He speaks to me so clearly to get through difficult days and situations. It’s all about allowing myself to see Him, to hear Him, and often to let Him use me to help others. I let myself see God through music.

So if you are new to this Christian music scene but you believe in the power of seeing God’s good in your life through music, let me help. These are my favorite and most motivational Christian songs that have helped me through very dark times. This is when I always see God…no matter if I turned on the music myself or if it comes to me because He wanted me to hear it and I was ignoring Him. And all of these play as I write. Writing is how I know I can help others because God gave me this gift and I intend to use it for His good.

In no particular order…

1. “All This Time” – Britt Nicole

2. “Voice of Truth” – Casting Crowns

3. “Restore” – Chris August

4. “Listen to the Sound” – Building 429

5. “King of My Heart” – Love & the Outcome

6. “Lead Me” – Sanctus Real

7. “Losing” – The Struggle

8. “Do Not Be Afraid” – Tanner Clark

9. “Love Came Down” – Kari Jobe

10. “I Am” – Nichole Nordeman

11. “Brave” – Nichole Nordeman

12. “God’s Not Dead” – Newsboys

13. “Dancing in the Minefields” – Andrew Peterson

14. “Do Something” – Matthew West

15. “Drops in the Ocean” – Hawk Nelson

16. “More of You” – Colton Dixon

17. “Hope in Front of Me” – Danny Gokey

18. “More Than You Think I Am” – Danny Gokey

19. “On Fire” – Sanctus Real

20. “Worn” – Tenth Avenue North

21. “You Love Me Anyway” – Sidewalk Prophets

22. “Fix My Eyes” – For King and Country

23. “Beautiful” – MercyMe

24. “Lord, I Need You” – Matt Maher

So now you know my favorites. Here is your challenge…what’s your story? Share. Find the healing in being open about our realities. And the best part is…as you heal, you will see others healing because you started something. There’s nothing more thrilling than seeing others come to God, healing, and knowing you allowed God to use you to help others. We can help one another when we learn it’s not about us.

So share this post and comment telling me the songs that should be added! Let’s start a viral post of positivity, healing, reality, and most importantly…FAITH!!!

Why be silent? We all have a reality.

Why be silent? We all have a reality.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” Genesis 50:20

Learn more about Jeremy’s and my story at www.jeremyandbailey.com. God bless you.

From Nightmare to Dream Come True

/ Anchoring Hope for Mental Health / 2 Comments

Five times…and he described every single suicide attempt in detail to me that night in late 2012. My entire body shook and I said nothing; it was obvious Jeremy needed to say everything out loud. I took it all in and tried hard not to blame myself for not knowing. But something else was happening that had nothing to do with my shock and fear; Jeremy was healing.

In 2012, months after his near-death car accident, Jeremy wrote me a suicide note on my computer and left it open on our kitchen counter. He typed out all of his thoughts and attempts, everything he had been keeping inside and fighting alone for years. It wasn’t fair to anyone. My nightmare of losing my husband was very possible, but my nightmare of losing him was nothing compared to his nightmare of losing himself. I read the note and believed he was gone. I screamed in my head and ran in every direction at 3:00 in the morning to find him, thinking I would only find his lifeless body. But instead, I found him very much alive and asleep on our couch in the living room. Our lives changed.

Jeremy and I began sharing with each other first. We began writing our nightmares…our reality. We opened up to each other about our fears and truly learned to communicate. We learned to fight this demon together. We learned to accept that there is a lot of healing that comes with being open and accepting the reality of a mental illness, of accepting help, and most importantly of accepting God. We wrote our story.

It took us a long time to see how God would take something so terrible and change it for His good. But He did. He took two bruised and beat down Christians who were undeniably angry at Him and opened our eyes to the possibility that we could do more. We could pick ourselves up off the floor and choose to see His good in every situation. We could begin to share with others and inspire hope in those who may be now where we were then. We could help society understand that mental illnesses are real and that those suffering should never be made to feel ashamed or weak. We could help those suffering understand God is always with them and there are many others who understand the struggle. We could be open. We could learn to live for God and for others all while healing ourselves too. We could find God’s good even in something so terrible.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” Genesis 50:20

We began writing to heal ourselves; it was therapy for us. But God revealed our purpose as we wrote. We learned He wanted us to share, to help others come to Him and see His good. So we kept writing. And today, our nightmare became a dream come true.

The tears won’t stop; they are as abundant as before, only very different. These are happy tears…tears of healing, peace, and strength. They are no longer tears of terror. We have been working on this book for over three years. We are finally published authors and our book is ready for the world. We want everyone to know and we won’t hold back. The lives of those suffering are worth us sharing our reality. God is good, and Jeremy is still here for a reason. Maybe you are that reason. You are never alone.

“Never Alone: A Husband and Wife’s Journey with Depression and Faith” is now available in both eBook and paperback format. You can purchase either on our website at www.jeremyandbailey.com and learn more information about our story. Thank you for supporting us as we share and helping us help others. God bless you all.

~ Jeremy and Bailey Koch

When God Tells You to Slow Down…

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This is my “baby”. But, as you can probably tell, he isn’t so much a baby anymore. He’s almost six years old.

2015-04-16 22.32.14 copy

Asher (almost 6) when he was first admitted to his hospital room on 4.16.15.

Asher has been the picture of health since he was born. He has only been on antibiotics a handful of times in his entire life and generally gets over illnesses quickly. You can also probably tell that this picture was taken from Asher’s hospital bed. On Thursday night, after Asher had been complaining of a sore neck for a few days, my husband and I found a large and very painful lump had formed on Asher’s neck just under his right ear. Now I don’t know much about lumps that appear out of nowhere, but what I do know is not good. And this lump was very painful.

I scooped up Asher and drove the seven blocks from our home to our local Cozad Community Hospital Emergency Room. I could see the terror in Jeremy’s face too; we were in very unknown territory. My mind immediately went to the horrible things a growth like this could be on my child. Is this cancer? What if they can’t get it to shrink and it cuts off his airway? The true issue is that these are real possibilities and have been all too real for too many parents; I didn’t want to be one of them.

I’m very proud of myself though. While waiting, it would have been very easy to get on my phone and search “growth in neck” on Google. But I knew what I would find. I would find terrifying and inaccurate information from people providing opinions or asking questions to other unqualified individuals. I resisted the urge to search. As I texted information to Jeremy, who stayed home with our older son, he informed me his research was revealing this is likely an infection and benign. Jeremy could not resist the urge to search, but fortunately he is one who knows where my weaknesses are; he never would have shared terrifying possibilities with me in that moment. He chose to give me hope and positivity instead. My husband and I are complete opposites; where I am strong, he is weak. And where I am weak, he is strong. It works. And I thank God for him every day.

Daddy entertained Asher with legos in his hospital room 4.17.15.

Daddy entertained Asher with legos in his hospital room 4.17.15.

Thankfully, I was blessed with a very calm nurse and doctor taking care of Asher. In order to rule out scary options, it was decided we would have to take blood, run tests, and immediately begin IV antibiotics to fight what obviously was nasty inflammation. Unfortunately, Asher’s blood wasn’t flowing easily and the poor kid had to be poked and prodded more than six times in two days to get the samples needed. But, I will make a very long story short and tell you, after two nights in the hospital, Asher’s lump on his neck has decreased in size dramatically. He was diagnosed with strep throat that caused a swollen and infected lymph node. We received amazing care and were truly blessed to have hundreds of friends and family members praying for us as we were terrified for our boy. We are home now, and I have learned a lesson.

Slow down. Life has a way of getting very fast and overwhelming. Before you know it, you’re telling your child to hold on for a second while you check for that precious email or post. Life is full of adventures, but the family God blessed me with is my greatest adventure by far. These are the people who will be by my side, and have been, from the most terrifying to the most rewarding experiences. And our ride is not over. So God told me to slow down. We can help others and we can achieve our dreams, but we don’t have to be finished by tomorrow. And we can involve the people who love us and support us the most.

We know how precious life can be because we have been forced to imagine what life would be like without those we love. While it sounds excruciating, I recommend everyone do this. Just try it. Picture a life without those people you love. You’ll learn quickly to rely on God, to trust Him, and to be more open than you ever thought you could be in an effort to have more people praying for you and your family in tough times. You’ll learn to let the little things go and put the focus back where it should be.

We all need reminded sometimes. Right now I am typing and listening to my five-year-old belly laugh at a movie in our living room. It is the sweetest sound ever and I have been reminded that God surrounded me and blessed me with these marvelous sounds. So I will embrace them. I will not take advantage of them. I will treasure them. I will slow down and live life for God and for my family. Don’t worry, I still plan on saving the world, but with them by my side feeling completely supported and loved.

Asher Lane gets to go home 4.18.15!!!

Asher Lane gets to go home 4.18.15!!!

Curious About Ear Candling? My Family’s Method.

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It only took a few minutes after I posted this image of my 8-year-old on Facebook for me to realize there are many people out there whom are curious about ear candling or want to try it, but they are afraid.

Our 8-year-old fully understands how much better he feels after candling and runs to me to tell me when his ears are "full" and need "emptied".

Our 8-year-old fully understands how much better he feels after candling and runs to me to tell me when his ears are “full” and need “emptied”.

I get it. I’m a mom too, but ear candling doesn’t make me nervous. It makes me feel like I’m actually doing something to prevent health issues for my family…something I fully believe in and has proven itself over and over. I can thank my cousin for the lack of nerves. It all started when I was in college. Neeley lived just a 5-minute car trip from me and we had many evenings of fun and movies. One night while watching “The Heathers” for the millionth time, I complained of ear pain.

And she changed my life. (Insert dramatic music here)

We hopped in Neeley’s car and drove to a health food store where a magical wall filled with what seemed like hundreds of options of ear candles stood towering over me. Thankfully, Neeley was just as tuned in to the “higher price doesn’t always mean better” idea as I am now, so I learned you don’t have to pay with an arm and a leg to get amazing ear candling results. To make a long back story short, Neeley candled my ears that night and I never looked back. I remember having one done and cutting into the hollow ear candle to reveal an enormous clump of ear wax. I felt it as it had gently pulled itself from my ear canal. So strange, yet incredibly relaxing, especially since Neeley literally told me she would be close to setting my head on fire. In retrospect, I can’t believe I trusted her. She was totally messing with my head…literally. I especially remember laughing uncontrollably as Neeley pulled a fast one on me, telling me to get up and walk across the room after only one ear had been candled! Warning…don’t try that at home! Your sense of balance will be completely and hilariously off until BOTH ears are done! My kids love it.

Basically, you light the end of a hollow ear candle on fire while it’s inserted snugly into the ear. The smoke billows into the ear canal, loosens the wax, and a suction is created that sucks the wax out of the ear and into the candle. You stop the fire when the candle is around 3 or 4 inches from the head. Then you can cut it open and see your results (see the wax in Hudson’s ear candles in the featured image)! You’ll feel incredible!

So tonight, Hudson, our 8-year-old, came to me again. “Mommy! You said you would do it last night and forgot! My head is full! I need candled please!” He has been very stuffed up with a horrible cough and sore ears, so I knew it was definitely time. We do our whole family about every six months to stay ahead of ear issues. And yes, since we have been on top of it, we have not had one ear infection. It works. And it’s worth it.

But you learn through trial-and-error with ear candling. I get that trial-and-error, when dealing with fire and human heads, is frightening. So I put together a step-by-step detailed list for you! You can do it! My kids totally trust me…and let’s face it, I’m not the most gentle of moms. Phrases like, “Are you bleeding? No. Then you’re fine. Hop up and shake it off!” are very common for this mom of two boys.

You’ll need:

  • Pillow for the head and blanket to cover the shoulders
  • 2 ear candles (any kind is fine, but I do like the kind with a plastic tip inserted inside to be sure the smoke flows freely)
  • One small bowl of water
  • Metal Scissors
  • Paper plate with hole cut in center just large enough to insert the ear candle
  • Lighter

Here’s a pic of my setup:

2015-04-09 20.16.27

Steps to follow:

  1. Have the human (easier than saying boy or girl or man or woman) lay on the floor on his or her side. Lay the head on a pillow and cover shoulders with a blanket to protect from flying embers.
  2. Cut a hole in the center of the paper plate just large enough to insert the ear candle and place the candle through it.
  3. Have the human insert the small end of the ear candle into his or her ear snuggly and hold it in that position with hand under the paper plate (see pic above of my son).
  4. Light the larger end of the ear candle with the lighter (human will hear crackling and it will increase).
  5. 2015-04-09 19.54.23
  6. Allow the ear candle to burn down a couple of inches and cut burned portion off occasionally.
    1. I know some people who don’t cut off the burned part but it gets too smokey for me and makes me nervous that it will fall.
    2. Don’t cut below where the flame is burning or it will put out the fire. You have to cut just above where it’s burning. (Yes, it will turn your scissors black.)
    3. When you cut, allow the portion you are cutting off to fall into the bowl of water. This will extinguish it immediately. You just have to be careful that you are cutting in the direction so the burned part will fall correctly off the tip of the scissors. This is why I cover the head with a paper plate just in case. Sometimes embers will fly off when I cut but the plate catches them instead of the head. And covering the shoulders too ensures my human won’t get burned.
  7. After around three or four cuts, the fire should be around three or four inches from the head. Instead of cutting again, I simply grab the ear candle from the human where he or she was holding it. Remove it from the ear and immediately turn it over in the water, extinguishing the fire.
  8. Cut off the burned portion of the ear candle.
  9. Cut vertically to see the wax you just removed from your human!
  10. If you want a good laugh, have your human stand up and try to walk normally.
  11. Repeat the process for the other ear.

So there you have it!

My husband, Jeremy, our two boys, and I are full believers in ear candling and are happy to help you! You can learn more about us at www.jeremyandbailey.com. We are Christian co-authors and motivational speakers…a real family with real issues and we just want to help as many as we can. Find our first publication detailing our journey on Amazon; it’s called “Never Alone: A Husband and Wife’s Journey with Depression and Faith”.

Be sure to like “Jeremy and Bailey Koch” on Facebook.

Happy ear candling!

An angel in human form…

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God sent me a sign…and a new friend…today.

So if you know me, you know patience is not one of my virtues. I am not a patient person…period. We’re talking not even a little bit. Understand my point yet? Because I don’t have the patience to keep explaining it if you don’t.

So you can probably imagine how well I’m handling the printer setback we had. “Never Alone” was almost done printing and we were actually going to hold it in our hands…after three years of writing and then waiting for it to actually happen. And then we had another holdup. We just want the book in our hands. We want to be able to get it to as many people as we can. We know there are so many who need to understand they are never alone. But we also are beginning to understand we can help in many ways. The book is not God. Our goal is to help people understand, to support those suffering…the book is not the only way to do that. Yes God is using us to spread His good. And today He sent us another sign.

The day started out very busy. We had every intention of really sleeping in and being lazy this morning; it seemed a good day to just chill out and catch up after a long weekend of tons of faith, fun, and family. But at 8:15, a semi truck rolled up to our house (note that we live 20 feet from our landscaping and greenhouse services business…Natural Escapes in Cozad). He was loaded with 41 trees and it was time to unload. We began and 8:30 and quickly learned these trees were not only huge, they were completely water saturated…which means they were three times as heavy to move as they normally would be. With me operating the Multitrac (our loader) and my husband climbing in and out of the bucket loading and unloading trees, Jeremy and I were finally done at 10:40. I was exhausted…and Jeremy had done all the manual labor. I just drove a loader. So I can’t even imagine how tired he was! After that, I cleaned up the house (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, a bit of back yard spring cleaning) and dealt with an extremely cranky and stubborn 8-year-old who was pretty sure my grounding him for being disrespectful and mouthy was the end of his entire world. So I truly punished myself by punishing him. The weather was dreary, the attitudes were flying…it was not a good day.

So I walked outside ready to just be cranky, and I saw him. An older gentleman sat on our stump next to my minivan in front of our house. He looked around 70 years old and there was no car to be seen. He explained that he was on a mission to find something, but it became more clear he just needed a friend. I sat with him as he told me about his “lady friend” in another state and his beautiful plans to buy every empty building in Cozad and revitalize the town. From time to time in between and during his stories, I watched tears fall from his eyes. He had walked all around town and his water cup was empty. So I asked if he would like some. I went in and filled his cup he had carried with him with ice and fresh water and brought it back out to him. I still had two boys testing me as I chatted with my new friend, and I smiled when this gentleman looked at my oldest and said, “Didn’t you hear your mom? She told you to knock it off.” I love having parenting support. Hudson just looked at me with a “Can he say that to me?” look. Yes, he can, my son. He’s got more life experience than the four of us combined.

Finally, I asked this man where his tears were coming from. He replied, “Well when you talk to somebody real…” Then I couldn’t stop the tears. I understood.

After about an hour of our chatting, he decided he best walk back home, but he was exhausted and beat up, and I knew God brought him to me for a reason. He told me who he was living with and who his children were, a wonderful family here in town and I knew of them well. So I loaded him up in my van and drove him across town to his home. As we turned the corner leaving my home, he revealed something I had seen in his eyes when he first appeared in front of our home.

“I just got out of the mental hospital in Kearney.”

My response was, “My husband has been in there twice. I get it. It’s not easy to live with depression.”

“That’s what I have. Manic depression. I think about suicide every day.”

“I know. I can see it because we live it. But it’s a lot worse when you think you’re alone.”

I told the man about our book and what we lived and we talked about how God had obviously put us in one another’s lives for a reason. Tears continued to flow. I dropped him off where he lives and chatted with his son for a few minutes. What a beautiful family. To you…you know who you are…you are never alone. God is always with you. Support and love. We are always here for you as well because we know what that life is like…we know how hard it can be. But it gets better. We can be here to support you in lots of ways…one of those ways is to just be someone who will listen when you need to talk. The gentleman ended our conversation with, “When that book comes, I want one. And I want you to sign it. And I want your husband to sign it. And I want your kids to sign it.”

You got it, JJ. I didn’t just help you today. You helped me too.

You helped me understand we can help in lots of ways. There are lots of ways to help those suffering understand none of us are ever alone. Sometimes it’s just listening to your heart and allowing God to use you to support those He loves…everyone.